Do you feel the need to keep everyone happy, even if it means ignoring your own needs? Saying “yes” when you want to say “no” or avoiding disagreements to maintain peace might seem like small sacrifices. Initially, it might feel like you’re doing the right thing, being helpful and keeping everyone happy. But over time, this can lead to strained connections with the people you’re trying to please and can take a toll on your mental health.
In this blog, we’ll learn how people-pleasing affects relationships. By understanding this behaviour, you can build healthier connections while staying true to yourself.
What is People-Pleasing?
People-pleasing is the tendency to go out of your way to make others happy, often at the cost of your own desires. This pattern usually arises from low self-esteem or a desire for external validation. It can make you feel anxious and stressed.
For example, you might agree to plans even when you’re overwhelmed, say “yes” to favours despite feeling uncomfortable, or avoid your opinions to keep the peace. While this might avoid immediate conflict, it pulls your mental health to the backseat.
How People-Pleasing Affects Relationships?
Burnout
When you constantly put others first, you leave little room for your needs. This is harmful to relationships because it often leaves you feeling unappreciated. Meanwhile, the other person might not even realize how much you’re giving or how it’s affecting you.
Lack of Authenticity
People-pleasers often suppress their true emotions. Over time, this can create a gap in relationships where honesty and authenticity should be. Without open communication, misunderstandings can pile up, leading to loneliness and a lack of connection.
Unhealthy Connection
When you always prioritize others, it can encourage unhealthy behaviours like dependency. One person becomes the constant giver, while the other keeps taking, creating an imbalance. Such relationships leave little room for growth, respect, or partnership. Over time this can aggravate feelings of anxiety and depression.
Loss of Self-Identity
Focusing too much on others’ needs can make you lose sight of your goals. This can make it hard to set boundaries, leading to dissatisfaction both within and outside of the relationship.
How to Stop People-Pleasing?
- Learn to Say “No”
Many people-pleasers struggle with saying no, fearing that it will disappoint others or lead to conflict. However, saying no is important to protect your time and energy.
For example:
- If a colleague asks you to take on an extra task at work that doesn’t fit your schedule, politely decline.
- Understand your triggers
Reflect on why you feel the need to put others first. This can help you break free from patterns of anxiety and guilt.
For example:
- If you always agree with your friend because you fear losing them, know that this fear is driving your behaviour. Understanding the “why” behind your actions can give you the insight needed to change them.
- Open communication
People-pleasers often stay silent about their feelings . Expressing your feelings openly can prevent long-term stress.
For example:
- If you don’t wish to go out, say, “I’d really like it if we could spend time together on Saturday, but I need to rest Friday night.”
4. Prioritize Your Needs
Putting yourself first doesn’t mean you are neglecting others; it means addressing that your mental health is just as important.
For example:
- If you’re always helping a friend with their work but it leaves you stressed, explain that you need time for your own work before you can help.
Seek Support
People-pleasing not only strains relationships but also takes a toll on your mental health. Breaking free from this cycle is a journey, but it leads to stronger connections and a happier you.
Take the first step towards a healthier you with Saksham today. Download now.